MyJournal

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Daily Routine.

Dear moon, 
I don’t know how to start it but all I can say that I’m weak like seriously weak. Lately, I can’t sleep properly. I tried so hard to sleep well but I just can’t and couldn’t find any proper reasons for this thing. Sometimes I just wanna shout and cry bcs im too tired but why I couldn’t sleep? I need to have enough sleep since I got lots of chores to do on the next day. There’s one day, I’m too tired and already felt sleepy on 9pm. So, I make up my mind to sleep and the last time before I finally can close my eyes, I looked into my watch… and it’s 9.37pm. I felt nothing and I guess I sleep well on that time. But time flies so slow.. for sudden, I woke up on 11.55pm. LIKE SERIOUSLY? I still felt tired but why? Why I already woke up? I need to go to sleep back! But after few hours struggling to close my eyes… I still can’t sleep. It’s like… hm I can’t describe this feeling. And you know what, the day keep repeating again and again until now. I’m tired but only could sleep after 4am. I make an experiment on my daily life and yes, after being so tired for the whole day… I could only sleep after 4am. But still, have to wake up for subuh and sometimes I’m too tired and can’t even wake up for subuh. The struggle is so real for me!

But hey, you know what… im not having probs on my nap time only but I’m having problems with my eating time too. How funny when people who used to eat a lot suddenly couldn’t even eat a spoon of rice! I’m hungry and I eat but it’s like a waste when after I ate, I must vomit it back! On the first time facing this probs, I thought I’m going to period bcs instead of having period pain, I also have morning sickness before my period come. I know it’s sounds weird but to me, it’s normal and there’s lots of girls out there might have worst period pain than me. So back to my story, this problem keep happening after my period cycle has stop. It's weird and still couldn't find any proper reasons for this thing. 
Moon, i need myself back. I need my energy like i used to have. Ya Allah, please gain me some strength to face Your challenges. I know i can face all of these things and that's why i was chosen. But still, i'm seriously weak with having not enough sleep and couldn't eat properly :( i'm not insomnia and not even have aneroxia nor bullimia disease before this but having this hard time make me feel like having mental illness. You know when you doesn't have enough sleep your brain will be like.. ting tongg... and you'll get angry easily. But.. idk hm all i hope i'll be fine before going back to uni. 

Sincerely,
My Sick Soul. 

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Today was a fairytale.

When you feel like wanna cry, then just cry.
Just bcs you're different, that doesn't mean you're weird.  
Just bcs people left you, it doesn't mean they dislike you.
Just bcs no one cares about you, you're alone in this world.
Just bcs people said you're ugly, it doesn't mean you're ugly.
Just bcs you're not bright, doesn't mean there's no hopes for you
Just bcs you said you're lonely, you have to shut yourself all the day.
Just bcs you feel tired, it doesn't mean you already lost your strength.
Just bcs you said you're brave enough, you don't feel scared to the lizard.
Just people don't like you, doesn't mean all of the people in this entire world don't like you.

Look, people wouldn't stop judge and condemn you.
Take all of those things as a passion for you to grow up and built your self-confidence.
Grow up and live your fairytale.
And never let those fairytale stay in your dream.

Work on it and live happily!



Well hello moon!
I have too many precious time to write something in you heheheh. 
So here is only a self reminder for my dearself. Okay the reasons why i write this notes in bcs there's one guy keep calling me "gemuk" "itam" and blablaablaa. hahahah it's funny when people judge you like that. But who cares? Live your life! Never take those negative vibes seriously butttt if you really think you're like what they've described about you, try make some changes butt still never take those words seriously!! It really gonna hurt yourself if you take it seriously. Just take those words as your passion to built your trueself. And one more thing, you have to remember that if someone that you lovessss say like that, it means they want you to change. hahaha mu pahe dok? dia nak kau kurus hahahah. 

tapi kalau nak awek cun melecun kurus macam model bukan aku faham? hahahah okay i tak marah cuma saje tulis camni sebab nak built self confidence balik semula huhuhu 

So goodnight and live your fairytale peeps! x

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