Appreciating the Journey in Your Life.

((writing this while listening to Rita Ora's song Falling to Pieces))

It is almost 4am so well, hello and good morning peeps!

It has been more than a month since i didn't open my unprivate diary. First of all, thankyouuuuu for this half year event that had happened in my life and thankyouu for almost 3.9k hit of viewers! 

Throughout this half of year events, i believe that some already know how messed up i did to my own life. The bumpy road still exist and i believe that this is part of my healing and learning process. So today, i would like to share topic regarding on "Appreciating the journey of your life".

This topic accidentally came out to my mind by the time i am struggling preparing myself with my final semester examination and something came across my mind where the silent thought inside me suddenly asked me;

Am i happy with who i am today?

Am i feel enough with what i had done to my life?

Does the courage in me is enough for me to live peacefully?

Does the words that i gave people is actually due to my selfishness?

Do i really live as the best version of me?

Allah redha ke dengan tindakan aku ni?

All of these thoughts has made me started to think about "appreciating" and "how can i live by letting the flow, flows?". As the days pass by, yesterday, i finally cried hardly for once again right after i felt like i was actually not appreciating my journey but i was actually keep pushing people away from my life. I wasn't be good to myself enough when i keep pondering around and thinking about my future, ignoring people wasn't actually a good choice, pushing the good people away wasn't the right thing and i never once give myself a chance to welcome people in my life again. This is so not rightt and i admit it is so unhealthy like the life that i lived in the middle of healing from the broken piece is full of walls that it end up making me feel bad toward the attitude that i put on those innocent people. 

Tuesday, 28 July 2020.

Been wondering around about my decision and i finally open my heart to accept and appreciating; not only the journey but also those people who still exist in my life. I bet that i am not being truly honest to myself before this but i believe that i finally received the unanswered questions that i been hold on few months back then. It is good to receive the honest answer from that person. The truth did hurt but at least, my mind is at ease right now. And it doesn't matter how bad your name on someone's story, you should always keep this one thing in your mind which is "Allah tested you bcs He knew the limit of your strength" and everything had happened in our life will always go back to our mind on how we define the journey. Always see the good in every hard times and pray the good in every struggle that we been through. I may shut myself away from several people who made me drown into my tears but deep down in my heart, i wish that i did make the right decision to distance myself away. It is not only for my good but it is also part for their good.

May all sorrow and tears fade away as we should light up our life and appreciate those people who still fight to keep us in their life. I wish that the distance that i create few months ago will be beneficial to the circle that i had moved out. The bullet in your mind is actually where the strength in you that made you live as who you are today. Your mind, define your whole life. Play it well so that you could feel at ease before the negative thought control it. 

Love, tims.

- ps, i end this entry by listening to "Troye Sivan - Seventeen".