Kerna Kembara Kita Masih Jauh

Helluu people!

Honestly, i have something to share regarding the journey that He plan for us. As time flies by, i started to realize that i had finally enduring the pain all by myself. The journey that i thought Allah has finally set up for me isn't actually for me. In fact, the journey had proved how fragile i am if i keep waiting. It has been almost two years and i had enough for asking Him to open his heart to realize that "i am still here, waiting you patiently". 

Lately i have been listening to malay song from Hujan band. Currently most the song explain what is actually i feel. Refer to ku mahu kau tahu, kotak hati, jika sempat, muda and finally "kembara".

"Ku Mahu Kau Tahu" The song where i think the best way for me to tell that person no matter how far that person is, i just want that person to know that i am still waiting. I never once delete all those pictures and memories. I can't really explain what is actually "terbuku dihati ini" but here i am, waiting for something that i shouldn't. 

"Kotak Hati" The song that i will always potray the good old days in my mind and if you ever realize, i just let you decide whatever you want bcs all i want is to see you smile bcs i know no matter how hard i tried that good old days will never come back. However, you can always find me if you need to express your emotions. I will listen to it bcs deep down in my heart; I did smile and i promise that once you return to her, i won't come back until you need me again. 

"Jika Sempat" The hardest phase. The song explain how i wish that the right time will come soon. It is not that easy for me to accept you again but what i can tell you is "jika sempat akan aku berikan seluruh hidupku untukmu". It is hard and will never be that easy. I feel like i am torturing myself. At the end of the day, what i can tell you is the "honesty". Honestly, i want to see you happy and that is enough for me to tell myself that you has finally found someone who can actually take a good care of you. And honestly, i can't change what you have been potray about me in your mind but the truth is, the feeling is there but i still need more time to heal and accept. 

"Muda" The song where how i wish all my good friends are here with me so that i can easily forget the feeling. The song also explain that we need to move forward together!

"Kembara" The end phase my of sadness which is part of the song that convince me instead of moving forward, i should know that i still have long journey to go through. Why do i need to let myself stuck with the history for almost two years? Little that you know, Allah did plan everything for us but we can still create the journey by work out our life plan? We had gone through a lot and i wouldn't let myself stuck with it again. How i wish people respect my decision as much as i respect theirs. 

At the end of our life, all we need is the courage in our heart to keep moving on. The courage that lead us to build our inner peace so that we will always appreciate the journey that we gone through. Be gentle to yourself and i believe that you are stronger that what you have been thinking about yourself. It is okay to be afraid of falling in love again and it is okay to swallow everything all alone. 

I want someday, i'll come back to this entry, smile and tell myself "you have been so broken before but yet, you has finally grown up so well".