unprivate diary.

Hello, peeps!  Since it almost come to the end of 2019, i would like to share my  3 Major Lessons in 2019 ♥️ Frankly honest, my 2019 journey was actually full of storms and bumpy roads that some knew and some might not know about it. I swear that, it wasn't that easy but Alhamdulillah; here i am at the end of the year, still standing on my two feets and i can finally see each of those hard times did pay off 🙆🏻‍♀️ 1. Forgive yourself ☝🏻 Throughout this journey, i met this one person who thought me this lesson which is "to forgive myself". I always been haunted by my own past life where it makes me think; "for what reason i gotta face this?"  "where does it goes wrong?" "am i that bad?" .................... After i received that advice, i started to question myself again; "throughout the process for me to accept the fact that happened to my life, do i ever forgive myself before i forgive others?".  I feel bad to...

We all as a student mesti pernah terdetik "kenapa aku kena belajar subject ni? Apa function belajar subject ni? Etc etc". Jujur aku cakap, aku pernah terdetik mcam tu and aku pernah rasa nak give up. Time second year, aku dh siap² bagitahu parents aku yg aku nak tukar kos akaun ni kepada kos finance. But then along call and give me few advice. "Ingat tujuan utama awak kenapa awak nak sambung belajar". Ya, aku memang mintak kos akaun ni sejak aku rasa "akaun senang" time form 5 dulu walhal pada asalnya aku nak sangat masuk kelas yg ada ert time form 4 dulu hahaha tapi ibu kata kalau minat masak, benda tu boleh je amik kelas luar, belajar sendiri so end up stick dgn akaun sampai lah aku jatuh cinta dengan akaun lol drama sgt. Then aku teruskan dgn akaun sampailah aku betul² fail subject yang aku mmg takut untk amik. Level give up dgn akaun time ni rasa mcam speechless, dah la mmg dekat rumah, mcam mana nak bagitahu parents? Ah sudah, time ni aku nangis dulu ...

At some point in life, i started to wonder... " What is actually the real happiness". So today, i make up my mind and started to think that the real happiness is when you see the "good" in every situation that you go through. I know it sounds lame but we all human never escape from doing mistakes and most of the time, we are the sinner but it just happened in different way. It is just how we define it and how we learn from it. I bet you who read this, you probably have that one experience where you're regrets and hoping to turn back time just to fix it. Isn't it?  It was awful and hardly believe we all still gotta move on to the next stage in life.  Frankly honest, i started to make the experience that i go through before as the lesson for me to live now. I don't wanna live in that life anymore so i choose to distance myself from those who remind me of my past. I probably lied when everytime i said i already forget it. Major NO, I DIDN'T FORGET IT AT...

As time flies by; meeting new people, some stay and some walk away. I don't know it is just my experience or everyone gone thru the same thing but what i can sure is, we all go through those phases in life differently. Indeed, He tested us according to our limits and strength. Honestly, some experience bring me joy but some uhm how i wish not to remember.  As time flies by; i started to doubt towards people around me. "What is your motive to exist in my life?" I keep thinking about those unnecessary thoughts until my brain stuck for a moment. No matter how hard i tried not think about it, i will end up think about it over and over again.  Is that normal? As time flies by; i forgotten who i used to be. For almost 20 years i live by myself without you. I remember those days where everything was fine without you. I know who am i and i know how cheerful i used to be. But yet, everything started to fade away. Slowly, i tried to remember everything. I stumbled, cried hardly in...

Dear moon,  I don’t know how to start it but all I can say that I’m weak like seriously weak. Lately, I can’t sleep properly. I tried so hard to sleep well but I just can’t and couldn’t find any proper reasons for this thing. Sometimes I just wanna shout and cry bcs im too tired but why I couldn’t sleep? I need to have enough sleep since I got lots of chores to do on the next day. There’s one day, I’m too tired and already felt sleepy on 9pm. So, I make up my mind to sleep and the last time before I finally can close my eyes, I looked into my watch… and it’s 9.37pm. I felt nothing and I guess I sleep well on that time. But time flies so slow.. for sudden, I woke up on 11.55pm. LIKE SERIOUSLY? I still felt tired but why? Why I already woke up? I need to go to sleep back! But after few hours struggling to close my eyes… I still can’t sleep. It’s like… hm I can’t describe this feeling. And you know what, the day keep repeating again and again until now. I’m tired but only could slee...

"Love and to be Loved" It's part of basic human needs in life. But bear in your mind, Not everything that you "love", you'll get it. Sometimes you might have it, but then you gotta let it go. Sometimes you might not have it now, but later.. you'll get it. Sometimes you have it now, and still hold into it until now. And sometimes you didn't get it, and still not gonna have it. That's what we call "the possibility in life". When you get it, but lose it. Allah want to test you bcs He knows you can face it.  So stay calm and face it. When you lose it, but suddenly you got what you want. That means, Allah just want you to be patient. Stay patient now and you'll get your happiness in future. When you have it, and still hold into it. That means, Allah already give what you want. And it's your job to keep it. Hold it tightly, and never let it go. When you lose it, and will never have it. That means, Allah want...

When i look at your face, I feel happiness. When i look into your eyes, I feel the pain faded. When i talk to you, I feel calm. When i hug you, I feel warm. When i was at my lowest point, I feel you in my soul. When i'm with you, I thanked to Allah for giving me this kind of friend. The friend who lift me up when i was down. The friend who listen to my probs till 3a.m. The friend who dance with me without feel shame during riadah. The friend who laugh so hard when i'm trying my best to use "aku" "kau". The friend who help me reply those irritating text during recess time. The friend who become over protecting me when somebody hurts me. The friend who always entertain me just to make sure i'm okay. The friend i never knew that we could be this close. Ika, I do forget your birthday was yesterday. But that doesn't mean i've forgotten you. Bcs you're one of the unforgettable people that i've welcomed into ...