Daily Routine.

-
Dear moon, 
I don’t know how to start it but all I can say that I’m weak like seriously weak. Lately, I can’t sleep properly. I tried so hard to sleep well but I just can’t and couldn’t find any proper reasons for this thing. Sometimes I just wanna shout and cry bcs im too tired but why I couldn’t sleep? I need to have enough sleep since I got lots of chores to do on the next day. There’s one day, I’m too tired and already felt sleepy on 9pm. So, I make up my mind to sleep and the last time before I finally can close my eyes, I looked into my watch… and it’s 9.37pm. I felt nothing and I guess I sleep well on that time. But time flies so slow.. for sudden, I woke up on 11.55pm. LIKE SERIOUSLY? I still felt tired but why? Why I already woke up? I need to go to sleep back! But after few hours struggling to close my eyes… I still can’t sleep. It’s like… hm I can’t describe this feeling. And you know what, the day keep repeating again and again until now. I’m tired but only could sleep after 4am. I make an experiment on my daily life and yes, after being so tired for the whole day… I could only sleep after 4am. But still, have to wake up for subuh and sometimes I’m too tired and can’t even wake up for subuh. The struggle is so real for me!

But hey, you know what… im not having probs on my nap time only but I’m having problems with my eating time too. How funny when people who used to eat a lot suddenly couldn’t even eat a spoon of rice! I’m hungry and I eat but it’s like a waste when after I ate, I must vomit it back! On the first time facing this probs, I thought I’m going to period bcs instead of having period pain, I also have morning sickness before my period come. I know it’s sounds weird but to me, it’s normal and there’s lots of girls out there might have worst period pain than me. So back to my story, this problem keep happening after my period cycle has stop. It's weird and still couldn't find any proper reasons for this thing. 
Moon, i need myself back. I need my energy like i used to have. Ya Allah, please gain me some strength to face Your challenges. I know i can face all of these things and that's why i was chosen. But still, i'm seriously weak with having not enough sleep and couldn't eat properly :( i'm not insomnia and not even have aneroxia nor bullimia disease before this but having this hard time make me feel like having mental illness. You know when you doesn't have enough sleep your brain will be like.. ting tongg... and you'll get angry easily. But.. idk hm all i hope i'll be fine before going back to uni. 

Sincerely,
My Sick Soul. 

Popular posts from this blog

Another year, another blessing year!

-
 Bismillah. It has been for a while since i didn't update anything in here.  So, here i am. Assalamualaikum & happy Tuesday! 💫 As i am being private to myself, distracting myself from social medias, been shut down several accounts and here i am; readily to embrace and bloom for once again. I admit that i had once been so lowkey low and almost removed myself to every circle that i had live with before. Partly has been removed permanently and part of them are still here with me. I'm so grateful for it, the years, moment and life that we had cherish together will always stay in my memory. Forever and always!  The fact that today is the day that i feel rebirth for once again had made me really proud of myself. I never once had the thought that i am going through the current life that i am living right now. I feel like living in a fantasy but it is real. Now, i am truly understand the definition of "you can only love, when you truly let go". I don't really remembe
More Story? »

Appreciating the Journey in Your Life.

-
Image
((writing this while listening to Rita Ora's song Falling to Pieces)) It is almost 4am so well, hello and good morning peeps! It has been more than a month since i didn't open my unprivate diary. First of all, thankyouuuuu for this half year event that had happened in my life and thankyouu for almost 3.9k hit of viewers!  Throughout this half of year events, i believe that some already know how messed up i did to my own life. The bumpy road still exist and i believe that this is part of my healing and learning process. So today, i would like to share topic regarding on "Appreciating the journey of your life". This topic accidentally came out to my mind by the time i am struggling preparing myself with my final semester examination and something came across my mind where the silent thought inside me suddenly asked me; Am i happy with who i am today? Am i feel enough with what i had done to my life? Does the courage in me is enough for me to live p
More Story? »

Changes.

-
Hai, hai and assalamualaikum again. I don't know how to start my story today. But, I do feel hurt on what just happened in my life. Deeply hurt. From now on, I feel like I'm no one. I'm trying to be myself. But I can't. I'm not strong at all. And the most important thing is, I do feel like I'm a useless. Everything that I've done in my life become upside down. It goes wrong. There's no more perfect thing in my life.  Ya Allah, I wish I can turn back my life and fix my past. But I know that all I can do is nothing. Nothing will happen even I'm saying that thing for thousand times. And now, all I wanna do is.. change my attitude. I have to change my mindset. Hopefully after I change myself there will be something good will happen in my life. Maybe not now, but one day it will be. But the most important thing is I hope that my changes won't make my spm result become worst. Besides that, I really really hope that all my changes w
More Story? »