unprivate diary.

 Bismillah. It has been for a while since i didn't update anything in here.  So, here i am. Assalamualaikum & happy Tuesday! 💫 As i am being private to myself, distracting myself from social medias, been shut down several accounts and here i am; readily to embrace and bloom for once again. I admit that i had once been so lowkey low and almost removed myself to every circle that i had live with before. Partly has been removed permanently and part of them are still here with me. I'm so grateful for it, the years, moment and life that we had cherish together will always stay in my memory. Forever and always!  The fact that today is the day that i feel rebirth for once again had made me really proud of myself. I never once had the thought that i am going through the current life that i am living right now. I feel like living in a fantasy but it is real. Now, i am truly understand the definition of "you can only love, when you truly let go". I don't really remembe

There is a day where you feel like everything seems fine. The sparks in her eyes feels alive and none of them realise the silence she kept in her mind. Thousand thoughts. Numbness. Empty. She is there but her mind is out of nowhere. She kept the silence for years and now she believes that, none of her thoughts gonna be reality. She had finally realised that she is actually unwanted and should have make up her mind that she need to build the walls as high as no one could break it anymore. She turned out to be clueless. Is it worth her lifetime? After all those years, she wanted to see herself genuinely happy with her life. She thought the silence tears is bearable but then; today is the remarkable day as the tears had finally come to the downfall. She step forward and tell herself, at least you know the truth now rather than let yourself drown again. She convinced herself until she has finally close her eyes. Her heart is aching.  Her hand is shaking. The tears keep falling even her eye

Helluu people! Honestly, i have something to share regarding the journey that He plan for us. As time flies by, i started to realize that i had finally enduring the pain all by myself. The journey that i thought Allah has finally set up for me isn't actually for me. In fact, the journey had proved how fragile i am if i keep waiting. It has been almost two years and i had enough for asking Him to open his heart to realize that "i am still here, waiting you patiently".  Lately i have been listening to malay song from Hujan band. Currently most the song explain what is actually i feel. Refer to ku mahu kau tahu, kotak hati, jika sempat, muda and finally "kembara". "Ku Mahu Kau Tahu"  The song where i think the best way for me to tell that person no matter how far that person is, i just want that person to know that i am still waiting. I never once delete all those pictures and memories. I can't really explain what is actually "terbuku dihati ini&

((writing this while listening to Rita Ora's song Falling to Pieces)) It is almost 4am so well, hello and good morning peeps! It has been more than a month since i didn't open my unprivate diary. First of all, thankyouuuuu for this half year event that had happened in my life and thankyouu for almost 3.9k hit of viewers!  Throughout this half of year events, i believe that some already know how messed up i did to my own life. The bumpy road still exist and i believe that this is part of my healing and learning process. So today, i would like to share topic regarding on "Appreciating the journey of your life". This topic accidentally came out to my mind by the time i am struggling preparing myself with my final semester examination and something came across my mind where the silent thought inside me suddenly asked me; Am i happy with who i am today? Am i feel enough with what i had done to my life? Does the courage in me is enough for me to live p

Trust issue, doubt of every action that has been taken and being traumatic are actually due to the unexpected and unwanted event that had occurred in our life once in a lifetime. I had once, gotta deal with the trust issue bcs of friendship. Being doubt of every action taken bcs the trust issue had been broken before. I even once, live in a traumatic life and had been livied in it for a year. Nonetheless, all of those aren't matter anymore. What is matter the most right now is how i live to avoid from going through all those hard times again. I know we aren't perfect and might repeat the same mistake all over again but the truth is, the first unexpected event supposed to be the lesson to be learned. But the second unexpected event? It is where Allah " jentik hati kita " so that we realize that we actually lose his track for once again. "Alhamdulillah" bcs Allah still lend me those feelings for once again and at the same time remind me how wrack my li

Hello, peeps! As today is the last night of Ramadhan for this year, i think owe myself a memories to be remembered. The good and the bad memories that I've been through in this holly month. I swear, some of it was unbearable but i made it! Some feel like sweetest sugar that i ever taste but then, after all those memories i can conclude that "throughout my worst, Allah always prepared what is the best for me". Alhamdulillah, I'm proud of myself who had once felt so low but now I'm still standing on my two feets witnessing my own life where i think currently i did everything at my best. Here are some of the thoughtful thoughts that i kept in myself since last year; I used to be timid to walk away from my past life I kept putting myself into the undecided world All i see was the darkness but kept convincing myself; "To go through the sweetest, you gotta taste some bitter life"  FAILED!  ALL I RECEIVED WAS THE TOUGH AND BITTER LIFE. M