unprivate diary.

There is a day where you feel like everything seems fine. The sparks in her eyes feels alive and none of them realise the silence she kept in her mind. Thousand thoughts. Numbness. Empty. She is there but her mind is out of nowhere. She kept the silence for years and now she believes that, none of her thoughts gonna be reality. She had finally realised that she is actually unwanted and should have make up her mind that she need to build the walls as high as no one could break it anymore. She turned out to be clueless. Is it worth her lifetime? After all those years, she wanted to see herself genuinely happy with her life. She thought the silence tears is bearable but then; today is the remarkable day as the tears had finally come to the downfall. She step forward and tell herself, at least you know the truth now rather than let yourself drown again. She convinced herself until she has finally close her eyes. Her heart is aching.  Her hand is shaking. The tears keep falling even her...

Helluu people! Honestly, i have something to share regarding the journey that He plan for us. As time flies by, i started to realize that i had finally enduring the pain all by myself. The journey that i thought Allah has finally set up for me isn't actually for me. In fact, the journey had proved how fragile i am if i keep waiting. It has been almost two years and i had enough for asking Him to open his heart to realize that "i am still here, waiting you patiently".  Lately i have been listening to malay song from Hujan band. Currently most the song explain what is actually i feel. Refer to ku mahu kau tahu, kotak hati, jika sempat, muda and finally "kembara". "Ku Mahu Kau Tahu"  The song where i think the best way for me to tell that person no matter how far that person is, i just want that person to know that i am still waiting. I never once delete all those pictures and memories. I can't really explain what is actually "terbuku dihati ini...